Brenda

Self-love means loving yourself at whatever part of your life you’re at – whether it be 15-year-old high schooler just figuring out relationships, the bride on her wedding day, the mom of two kids, the grandma who has raised her kids and grandkids, or the 90-year-old lady – just being okay with who you are. Body positive means loving and being proud of the body you’re in, whatever size it is. It means not comparing your body to anyone else’s and embracing the things about your body that make you unique and beautiful.

I am definitely not where I want to be [in my self-love journey], but I am comfortable with where I am. I know that this body has been through mental illness, has been through severe trauma, has birthed two kids, has known the love of a wonderful husband, has gotten me through medical assisting school, and has gotten me my dream job working at a pediatrician’s office. My body is where it is right now and I feel like I’m at this point where I’m accepting that this is where I am. There’s things I want to do to improve, make myself feel healthier – not necessarily make myself look different – but to feel better.

I lived in poverty until I was adopted when I was nine. My biological mom was a prostitute, we didn’t know who my biological father was. I had been molested by boyfriends of my mom, then growing up I was in horrible relationships –  dealt with domestic violence in relationships. My body is a reminder of everything that I have survived. I was told I’d never be able to graduate high school because I wasn’t worth anything, I was told that I’d never get married and that no one would ever love me because of my past, I was told I’d never have kids because of my weight and if I did have kids it would be just like my mom because that cycle, unfortunately for a lot of young women who were raised like that, it’s a cycle forever – they deal with it for a long time.

I was adopted when I was nine and was raised by a wonderful family who gave me every opportunity in my life. My adopted mom has always struggled with her weight. But never once has she made a single comment about my body other than to tell me how strong [I am]. She was the only one other than my husband and my birth coach that was allowed in the room when I had my daughter. The whole time she just kept telling me, “You’re so strong, you’re so capable, you’re so able to do this,” even when I was ready to give up. I mean, I don’t take my clothes off for anybody – period. It took months before I would get fully undressed for my husband. It was the first time I had really taken everything off, when I was in labor, and she just looked at me and she goes, “Your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.” It was the only comment she’d ever made about my body and it was the kindest thing.

My body is wonderful. Weight does not necessarily equate to health. I’m healthier now at the weight I’m at than I’ve been in a long time. What the scale says isn’t always an indicator of health. I was on medicine for bipolar disorder that caused me to gain a huge amount of weight that I’ve never been able to lose. I went on bipolar meds when I was 12 years old. I was a child sexual assault survivor which triggered bipolar disorder. My body is a reminder of everything I’ve fought for and everything I’ve overcome.