Jessica

I am currently a happily married 39 year old, a mother of a 3 year old, and a business owner. I was raised in an extremely conservative, patriarchal household. I didn’t really have a bad childhood, especially compared to some. But I had some pretty major struggles with my self-worth that were from my upbringing. I actually tried to kill myself when I was 15. I was fortunate enough that I ended up being able to see firsthand the effects that had on the people I loved, so even though my mental struggles were still there, I knew that would never be an option again.  Plus I have always been on the larger side, and have never fit into that “classic beauty” stereotype, and I was usually the largest of my friends. I was a bit of a tomboy, and have always been fiercely independent. I did not fit in at all to the ideal I was taught I should be, and I thought something was wrong with me for a long time because of that. I ended up marring a man that is a narcissist. He was mentally and physically abusive. I have actually been beaten to the point where I couldn’t walk twice. I stayed with him for 14 years.

My life started changing for the better when I started loving myself, but it didn’t happen overnight. A friend I had at the time noticed my struggles with trying to fit into the religion I was raised in, and with my marriage. She sat me down and told me I didn’t have to fit into that mold to be a good person. She then gave me a whole long list of reasons why I was a good person without any of that. I would have to say that was the beginning of my self love journey. People sometimes only talk about self-love as wonderful free thing. And it is all of that once you get there. I could say all the words about how it is supposed to work, and how wonderful it is, but I feel most people already know that part. I used to preach it myself to others, while not feeling it for myself. But actually getting there is hard and can be messy. I think people need to know that part too. That way they don’t get discouraged when it’s not all flowers and sunshine right away.

My self-love journey has been lots of years in the making, and it is journey I am still on. I still occasionally have negative thoughts about myself, but they are very infrequent, and they don’t hit me near as hard as they used to. I loved myself to the point I was strong enough to walk away from that marriage. From there I took the time to focus on what I wanted for me, and how I wanted to be treated by others. I set some hard boundaries for myself. I decided what was unacceptable as far as how I would let people treat me, and I have stuck to it. I feel that this was my biggest step in my self-love journey, this is when the changes happened more rapidly. You have to respect yourself enough to have hard boundaries that are deal breakers. This can be a hard one to stick to, but in the end it is worth it. I lost a couple of people that I was close to during this step. But along with that came peace. It really is true, people will treat you the way you allow them to. Then I met my current husband, and things have just fell into place from there. No my life isn’t perfect, yes I have stress and things to deal with just like everyone else. But I have found my peace, and it is all about self-love.

As far as things that worked for me, well, a lot of sounds super corny. But they work. I started off by telling myself nice things in the mirror. This was super hard for me to start doing, and I cried several times while doing it. Sometimes it all felt like a lie but I pushed through it and actually started believing the stuff I was telling myself. Writing down affirmations was also helpful. Now I don’t really feel the need to any of that. Now I go about my day looking for things in general to be grateful for. Holding that feeling is key. And while I might not be perfect, or have the perfect body, I am so grateful for what my body has done for me. And that makes it beautiful to me. It has let me ask more of it than anyone should ask of themselves. I have pushed it beyond limits I thought it was capable of. It has taken me on many grand adventures, and it has bore my son. There is beauty in all of that, and I am forever grateful that my body has been there for me through it all. So any time I start to feel down about myself, I stop it by telling myself thank you. Thank you for getting me through everything I have been through.